just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
