why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
this will be a night to untag.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
