look no pants
Tell her she can't have a vagina
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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