my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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