Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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