Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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