I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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