He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just forgot I was standing up.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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