i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
honey bunches of taint.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
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