Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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