he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
