I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
YAS. BRING CRAB.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
