I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
PANTIES FOUND
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