wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
