Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize