the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
