That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
They took my balls.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
