I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
