man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
