I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
