drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
two words: eviction party
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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