Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
