That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
