you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
