So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
