I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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