actually, I'm a sock model
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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