A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
