Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
