I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize