Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
