Betty ford says i'm here all night
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
