mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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