I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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