can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
