She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
