Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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