Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
