I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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