everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
