It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize