So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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