Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize