dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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