when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
