Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
