i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
