she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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