And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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