i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
