i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I love you.
Bad choice
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