oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
