I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
