I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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