Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
