this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
