I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
