puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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