he was CRYING into my vagina
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
