I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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