Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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