So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
