I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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