Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
