Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
