he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
