his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
