Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize