its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
