I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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