youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
