I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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