Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
