I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
