just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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