So drunk its hurt
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
