when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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