East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize