if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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