Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
ugly people sure do ruin things
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
