Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
