I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
