NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
