So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
