Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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