Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
