I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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