too bad you live with your parents still
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
