Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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