I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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