yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize