I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
