trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
