once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
