Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
