what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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