YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
