this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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