I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
