you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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