I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You are a genius and a whore.
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