I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
