It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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