so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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