He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Barsexuality is the new black.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
